After the burn
by TheLaughingOne
Summary: Set in the immediate aftermath of 10x12, Jackson and April must deal with the repercussions of Jackson's confession. Most importantly, they must now deal with each other and the feelings they've buried for so long. Oh and I do not own Grey's Anatomy or its characters. Bummer.
1. Chapter 1

"I love you, April. I always have. I love everything about you. Even the things I don't like, I love. I love you and I think you love me too. Do you?"

April was frozen, her eyes locked with Jackson's. The number of thoughts running through her head was paralyzing. Oh my god, Jackson loved her… He's always loved her… He loved all of her…. And he told her in front of her sisters, and her friends and everyone… At her wedding no less…. To another man... Crap!... Matthew.

The thought of her fiancée finally brought her out of Jackson's spell. April made a panicky look to her left and saw Matthew, her always sweet Matthew, staring at her with an anger in his eyes that she'd never thought possible. That's when April realized that she hadn't spoken, hadn't screamed at Jackson to shut up and stop ruining her wedding. Oh man, this was really bad, wasn't it? So April opened her mouth to yell at Jackson, but nothing came out.

It was Matthew who finally spoke first. "April, what is going on? Why did he say that? Why aren't YOU saying anything?" he demanded.

The anger she heard in his voice helped April regain some level of control over her verbal abilities, but she could still only manage to stammer, "I'm… I'm so sorry, Matthew. I don't… I don't know why he said that."

She turned toward Jackson, but avoided looking directly in his eyes because she knew that would be her undoing. She took a deep breath to gather herself and then said as calmly as possible, "Jackson, please. This is my wedding." Her voice began to crack a little, as she added. "You can't do this. We can't do this. You have to go."

Jackson sighed and his face dropped. He tried to will April to look at him, to give him a sign, some little bit of hope. But she was steadfast in avoiding his gaze. He started to turn, but then stopped. He'd come this far, so he wasn't going until he knew.

So he set his chin, turned back toward her and said resolutely, "No. Listen, April, I know this is not the time or the place." He gave her an apologetic look as he continued, "I'm sorry, but I can't go yet. I can't leave because you did not answer my question. I asked you if you love me."

April's mouth dropped open in disbelief. She scoffed, "You've got to be kidding me. You interrupt my wedding, telling me you love me and now you've got the gall to demand I respond? Un-freakin'-believable," she said as she tossed her hands in the air.

And then she heard Matthew clear his throat next to her and say, "Actually, I'd like to hear the answer to his question myself." He said it calmly, but there was clearly an edge to his voice.

April was slightly exasperated as she pleaded, "Oh please, Matthew. You know exactly how I feel about Jackson. We've talked about this before. Of course I love him. He's my friend…"

Matthew interrupted, "C'mon April. You know that's not what he's asking. Just answer the question. I think we all deserve that."

April stared at Matthew and the tears began to prick her eyes. She couldn't lie to Matthew. She just couldn't. So instead she shook her head and looked down as the tears began to roll down her face. Her voice was barely a whisper as she finally managed to ask, "How can I answer that? What do you want me to say?"

Matthew's face hardened, "Nothing. You don't need to say a word because your face tells me everything I need to know." He stepped off the platform and pushed Jackson out of his way as he stormed out the room.

April cried, "Matthew, please. We have to talk about this. Please don't go." She began to chase after him, but tripped over her wedding gown as she stepped off the platform. Jackson, who had ended up closer to April after Matthew's shove, reached out to catch her just before she fell to the ground. He wrapped his arm around her waist as he pulled her up toward him. Their faces were just inches away from each other, as their eyes locked on each other.

Jackson gave her a nervous, half smile as he quietly asked, "Are you okay?"

April stared at him, mesmerized by his eyes just like she always was when they were this close. She stammered, "Um, I'm fine."

Then out of the corner of her eye, she saw Matthew's mother staring at her and she suddenly became very aware of her surroundings. She quickly stood up straight and added, "You can take your hands off me now."

"Oh, sorry," Jackson said as he lowered his arms and took a step back. "Listen, April…"

"No Jackson," she interrupted, holding up her hand to stop him from talking. "I've listened enough to you today. You said what you came to say and my wedding is ruined. Happy?" she asked sarcastically as she turned away from him and stormed out of the barn.

And then reality set in for Jackson. He quickly glanced around at the angry faces of Matthew's friends and family before locking eyes with a livid Stephanie. As he began to walk toward her, he swore at Mark Sloan under his breath, "burn your life to the ground, I'll say."


	2. Chapter 2

April was sitting alone on a bench next to the barn, shivering as the evening air began to set in. She was still in her gown and had pulled her wedding shawl tightly around her shoulders to try to keep warm. Lost in her thoughts, was startled as she heard footsteps on the gravel pathway. She looked up quickly, hoping to see that Matthew had returned. Instead, she saw Arizona coming up beside her.

"Hey," Arizona said softly. "You wanna talk about it?," she asked as she sat down on the bench next to April.

April looked down at her hands, absent-mindedly twisting her engagement ring around her finger. "Thanks Arizona, but I'm not really sure there's anything to talk about. I mean, unless you want to talk about how my wedding is ruined. Or how my life is ruined. Or how much Matthew hates me. Happy wedding day to me!" she replied sarcastically.

Arizona gave April a sympathetic look. "I'm sure he doesn't hate you."

April scoffed, "Oh, I'm pretty sure he does. In fact, that's what he told me in so many words when I chased after him. I believe his exact words were, 'Don't follow me. Don't call me. Don't ever talk to me again.'"

"Ouch," Arizona said with a grimace.

April gave a weak smile, "Yeah, tell me about it. He just kept saying that he knew as soon as I wouldn't answer Jackson's question what my answer really was. Isn't that ridiculous?"

Arizona raised her eyebrow as she asked, "Is it, April? I mean, I watched your reaction too and I wouldn't exactly say that Matthew is off base."

April rolled her eyes as she started to stammer, "Oh come on! You know, why does it even matter how I feel about Jackson? He told me to choose and so I did. I chose. I chose to be with Matthew. That's all the matters."

"Wait. Who told you to choose?" Arizona asked.

"Jackson did." And then April looked away from Arizona as she confessed quietly, "Right after the bus exploded, right after Matthew proposed, I sorta, kinda told Jackson I wanted him."

Arizona laughed, "Sorta, kinda, huh? You know, now that you mention it Callie may have told me you freakin' out a little bit about Jackson during the storm. I believe the term she used was 'basket case.'"

"Ha. Ha. Yeah, laugh at the crazy girl," April said as she threw up her hands. Then the tears started to flow again as she buried her face in her hands. "I just hate this. Everything is a mess now… my wedding, my plan for my life… Me. I'm a mess. I'm a basket case. Yet again."

Arizona interrupted, "No, hey April, I was just teasing you." She put her arm around her friend's shoulder as she continued, "Listen, it's gonna be okay. I know that this whole thing wasn't in your plans. But plans change." Arizona reached into her purse to fish out a tissue for April.

April hiccupped through her tears as she took the tissue from Arizona and dabbed at her eyes. "You sound like Meredith when I thought I was pregnant…"

"What? You thought you were pregnant?!" Arizona exclaimed. "Oh my god, April, I feel like you've had this whole secret relationship with Jackson that none of us knew about."

April hiccupped again, "Yeah, well, sometimes I feel like I didn't even know about."

Arizona gave April a quizzical look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know," April said as she shook her head. She continued, "It's just that hearing what Jackson said today, I feel like I never really got where he was coming from until now."

Arizona sat quietly and just nodded. She knew she needed to let April take her time. April rarely opened up to people, so Arizona figured it must be hard for her to share this kind of stuff.

April continued, "I've never told anybody because I was so embarrassed at how I handled the whole thing. But when we thought I might be pregnant, Jackson asked me to marry him."

Arizona did her best to hide her surprise as she encouraged April to keep talking. "Go on," she said.

"Well, we talked about getting married, even talked about the butterflies and the 'mint to be,'" April smiled. "You know, I always thought he proposed because he felt obligated… just to be a stand-up guy and all. But I don't know, after today…" April's voice trailed off and she seemed lost in her thoughts.

"After today, what?" Arizona asked.

April's brow furrowed and she sighed. "I'm not sure," she continued. "But I feel like maybe it was something more. I mean, the look on his face when we found out the test was negative. I don't know… I guess he seemed… almost sad. Like maybe he actually was hoping I was pregnant, hoping we'd be together like that." April shook her head, "Ridiculous, right?

"No sweetie," Arizona said sympathetically as she squeezed her friend's shoulder. "It doesn't sound ridiculous at all. It sounds like he was in love with you."

April objected, "But he's Jackson Avery. And I'm Ducky. Averys don't fall in love with ducks."

Arizona laughed as she reminded her, "You're not Ducky anymore, remember? You're a swan - a kickass, trauma surgeon swan."

April gave a little laugh, "Yeah? Well now I'm a swan with no husband, no plan, no nothing."

Arizona squeezed her friend's shoulder again. "Oh, I wouldn't say that. I'd say you've got a lot. You've got a great job. And you've got a strangely large, red-headed family." She laughed as she continued, "And you've got a lot of friends that came here today to support you. And you've got a really cute boy that says he loves you."

April gave a nervous smile. "I should probably go talk to him, shouldn't I?"

"Yeah," Arizona replied. "I'm betting he still wants an answer to his question."


	3. Chapter 3

**First of all, thank you all so much for your reviews. This is my first Japril fic and I've really been enjoying writing them, so it means a lot that you're enjoying them too. As you can tell, I was pretty inspired by Jackson's confession and have a pretty clear vision of how I hope the aftermath plays out. Hopefully, this little fic can tide me (and you) over until the real story unfolds.**

"Dude, Stephanie was pissed at you. I think if she carried a gun, you'd be dead right now," Alex needled his friend who was still sitting in the barn nearly two hours after Matthew, April and Stephanie had all stormed out of the wedding ceremony.

"Yep," is all that Jackson offered in reply.

"Did she even talk to you before she took off with Jo?," Alex asked.

"Nope," Jackson answered.

"And all of it over freakin' Kepner," Alex said as he shook his head.

"Shut up, Karev," Jackson said plainly. He didn't even have it in him at that moment to fight with Alex for picking on April.

"Oh, c'mon, I'm just giving you shit," Alex said as he hit Jackson's shoulder. "But really, you love her? When the hell did that happen?"

Jackson sighed. Yeah, when did that happen? He didn't even know the answer to that question himself. I mean, it was April they were talking about. He'd loved her for years as his friend. But when did it turn into something more? San Francisco had definitely opened his eyes to seeing her in a whole new light. And then when she came back from Moline, it just kind of grew without him even realizing it. So much so that it broke his heart when he saw how happy she was that they didn't need to get married. But Alex didn't even need to know all that. So instead, Jackson just replied, "I don't know, man. It just sorta happened somewhere along the way."

"Hmm… I never saw that coming. I thought you two were just fuckin'," Alex said as he took a swig of beer. Clearly he had wasted no time in raiding the reception tent set up next to the barn.

"Really classy, Karev," Jackson admonished. He then added, "You know, I'm good here by myself if you want to go."

"I'm sorry, man," Alex said as he sat down next to Jackson, "I'll knock it off. Really, I'm here if you need to talk."

Jackson gave a small smile in return. The times when Alex was willing to listen to him were few and far between, so Jackson at least appreciated the effort. "Yeah, I'm not so sure I'm up for talking. I think I've probably done enough of that today," he replied.

Alex opened another bottle of beer and handed it to Jackson. "Well at least have a beer then. You look like you could use it."

The two men sat next to each on the bench for a few minutes, drinking their beers and not saying a word to each other.

Finally, Jackson broke the silence, "You know, what I don't get? Somebody says they want you and then when you tell them you want them back, they run. How does that make any sense?" His voice had an edge to it now. It was obvious that his emotions were running the full gamut since the ceremony and he was now starting to enter the anger phase.

Alex scoffed, "Just a guess, but it could have something to do with your timing."

Jackson rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I know. But it's not like her timing has been much better," he said as he took another swig of beer.

Alex gave him a quizzical look and then asked, "Okay, I know I was giving you shit before. But seriously, what the hell has been going on with the two of you? As far as I knew, the two of you were just fuckin…," Alex stopped himself when he caught Jackson's glare before continuing, "Okay sorry, you two were making love. Better?" he asked sarcastically. Jackson just rolled his eyes again, so Alex kept going. "And then next thing I know, you thought she might be pregnant and then you were over. So really, where did this love thing come from?"

Jackson gave a sad smile at Alex's genuine concern about him and April. Alex would never admit it, but the three of them had developed a kind of bond when they were living together. And Jackson knew as much as April annoyed Alex, he did care about her. So he decided to open up, just a little.

"It actually did just start out at sex," Jackson admitted. "But you can't really start having sex with your best friend without some intense feelings happening pretty quickly. I never told her until today, but I fell in love with her back then."

Alex nodded quietly and considered what Jackson told him. Then he offered, "Yeah, I know I love to make fun of her, but I get it, man. I've been around the two of you enough to get how you fit together. It's like her crazy matches your calm."

"Yeah," Jackson smiled. "It does."

"So what are you going to do now?" Alex asked.

Jackson wrinkled his brow as he admitted, "I don't really know. I just burned my world to the ground so I guess I'll just go from there." As he saw the confused look on Alex's face, he added, "Sorry, just something Sloan said to me once upon a time."

"Got it," Alex said as he finished off the last of his beer. He stood up to go, but not before asking Jackson if there was anything else he could do.

"No man, I'm okay. I just need to sit here for a little while longer," Jackson replied.

Then Alex did something he rarely did and gave his friend a quick hug before walking out the door.

Jackson was once again alone with his thoughts. And his thoughts were definitely not a good companion in this moment. He just kept asking himself why did he have to do it? The look of anger on April's face… the look of pain on Stephanie's face… the look of embarrassment he knew was on his own face when April ran after Matthew. Those images kept swirling through his mind on an endless loop. No wonder he hadn't said something before. He knew that if he had taken even ten seconds to think about it, he would've realized this would be the outcome. He should've never stood up. He should've just nodded along and promised "we will" like everybody else there. Damn that preacher and his damn question.

Jackson had been freaking out little by little all day long. First when he remembered Mark's words. And then when he listened to his patient's confession. And again when he saw the butterflies. But despite the little moments, he had managed to hold it together. But then something happened when April had turned to smile at him as the preacher asked him to promise to support her marriage. And in that moment, he couldn't get the words out. He just simply couldn't agree. And then it was like somebody else took over his body - probably the ghost of Mark Sloan. Jackson couldn't help but give a little laugh at that image.

But suddenly Jackson's laugh was interrupted by an accusing voice behind him. "Well, I'm glad you find the whole thing amusing."

He didn't even have to turn around to know that April was standing at the back of the barn, with her arms folded across her chest and anger flashing in her eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Here we are at the end of my little story. I hope you all enjoyed it. It's funny, as I had planned for it to be longer and to throw in some more angst, but it just didn't feel true to the characters and how I think they'd really deal with each other after what happened at the wedding. So this will be the last chapter. Thanks so much to those of you that took the time to comment. It means a lot and it definitely spurred me on to keep writing. So thanks for reading and please let me know if you like the conclusion of this story!**

Jackson swallowed when he heard the edge in Aprils' voice. He turned slowly, dreading the onslaught that he knew was coming. And as their eyes finally met, all he could think to say was "Hi."

"Hi?!," April replied sarcastically. "Is that all you've got for me, Jackson. Are you all out of words now?"

"April…," Jackson interrupted, raising his hands in a gesture for her to calm down, which of course only infuriated April more. He continued in the most soothing tone he could, "I get it. You're pissed. And I'm sorry I've upset you…"

"You're sorry you've upset me? Yeah, Jackson, I wouldn't call this upset. Pissed maybe. Or how about infuriated? I don't know exactly, but it's definitely a lot more than upset," April said through clenched teeth.

"I'm not sure what I can say right now to make it better…" Jackson said, his voice trailing off as he watched April continue to spiral.

She paced back and forth down the makeshift aisle of the barn and it became evident that she wasn't going to make any effort to hold back her anger. Still in her gown and clenching her fists at her side, she definitely looked the part of deranged bridezilla. Of course, she wasn't some nutcase who was mad that a bridesmaid wore the wrong shade of nail polish. No, she had plenty of justification for her anger and Jackson knew it. That's why he was determined to just listen and take it.

April ranted, "How about saying you're sorry for ruining my wedding? Or maybe for ruining my life? Or how about for rejecting me when I told you how I felt? Or telling me you love me in front of my fiancée? Or embarrassing your girlfriend? Or, or, or…" April had run out of things to rant about but still had plenty of rage inside her. And she was determined to channel all that rage toward Jackson so she continued, "… Or killing all those butterflies?"

"Wait, what?" Jackson asked, furrowing his brow. "I didn't kill any butterflies."

"Oh yes, you did," April yelled. She held up an accusatory finger as the tears started to fill her eyes. "They had to be released within the hour or they were going to die." The tears began to fall down Aprils' cheeks as she dropped into an ivory colored pile of taffeta and lace on the floor. "And they've been in their boxes for three hours now. You… you… butterfly killer!" And with that last insult, April buried her face in her hands and began to sob in earnest.

Jackson walked toward April, sinking down on his knees next to her. He tentatively placed one arm around her shoulder and when she didn't move away, he pulled her toward him and wrapped her up in his arms. He held her tight to his chest as she sobbed out all her pain and anger. He hated hearing her cry, especially knowing it was his fault. But he was also relieved that she was letting him in and letting him hold her again.

After a few minutes, April's crying slowly began to subside, becoming softer and softer until it stopped altogether. As she grew still, Jackson continued to hold her, stroking her hair and waiting for her to say something. She finally raised her face and her eyes locked on Jackson's. April bit her lip as their mouths were just inches apart. And then Jackson began to lean down toward her as April slowly lifted her face toward his. Just as their lips were about to touch, April pulled back. Jackson sighed as he dropped his head to her shoulder.

"Jackson, we can't do this. This is exactly what got us in trouble in the first place – all kissing and no talking," April said as she moved out of his arms and sat back away from him. She said primly, "So right now, we are just going to talk."

Jackson rubbed his head and then said with mock enthusiasm, "Okay, fine. Talking. I can talk. What do you want to talk about?"

April rolled her eyes. "I'm thinking we should probably talk about the wedding ceremony you ruined. How about we start with why you waited until today to tell me how you felt?"

Jackson sighed and then gave a little smile. Of course, April would have to know why. The woman couldn't just let something lie. It was one of her most maddening and endearing qualities. He looked at her apologetically as he said, "I'm not sure you're going to like my answer."

"It's okay. I just want the truth," April told him. "Don't you think it's time you and I started being a little more honest with each other?"

Jackson slowly nodded and then exhaled. "Okay, here goes," he began. "Remember last fall when we thought you might be pregnant?" April nodded as Jackson continued, "Well when I proposed, it wasn't just because of the pregnancy. I mean, I definitely proposed at that moment because we thought you might be, but I had already been thinking about you like that. I knew back then that I loved you and wanted us to be together."

A sad smile came over April's face, but she remained quiet.

Jackson continued, "But the test came back negative and you started thanking Jesus. So I decided I was done because I thought if you felt half as much for me as I felt for you, you never would've reacted that way."

April began to protest, "Jackson, I'm so sorry. You have to know that had nothing to do with how I felt about you. I was just so relieved…"

Jackson placed his finger against her lips as he said, "Sssshhh, it's okay. I kind of figured that out after you freaked out at me during the storm."

April raised her eyebrow, "So, why were you so mean to me when I told you how I felt?"

"I wasn't trying to be mean," Jackson explained. "I was just hurt and, I don't know, I guess I doubted that you really meant it."

April sighed. "And then I proved you right by going right back to Matthew."

Jackson nodded, "So I just told myself that Matthew was the guy for you and decided to move on. That was my plan."

April cocked her head. "I don't get it. What changed?"

"Well personally, I blame it all on Sloan. He told me once upon a time that if you love somebody, you tell them, even if you're scared it will cause problems or burn your life to the ground. Say it loud and go from there is what he said. And for some reason, I remembered that today. And then when you smiled at me, I knew I had to tell you."

April shook her head, smiling at Jackson. "So what about your doubts?," she asked.

Jackson shrugged. "I don't know, I didn't really think about them. I didn't think at all really. I just said what I felt and hoped that you felt the same way." He paused before he asked her again, "So, do you?"

April replied simply, "Yes, Jackson. I love you. I've always loved you."

Jackson's smile lit up his entire face as he gathered April into his arms. He pulled her tightly against him, picking her up so they were face to face. Then he looked in her eyes as he said softly, "Me and you, April. Always." And then he gave her the sweetest kiss of her life.


End file.
